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February 16
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this is a terrible Idea Nathan.
“Look Emily I appreciate it but I don't care. I need to know why he HATES Me.” Nathan said wishing he could glare at the voice
well maybe if you took out the dye and the piercings and cut your hair...
“Yeah and Maybe you could stop being a voice in my head.” Nathan said walking towards his destination.
Well you were the creepy loner who had no friends, I decided to do it.
Nathan rolled his eyes, Emily always seemed to know everything before he did she was like his six sense and sometimes it was nice and other times he wished he had a bat.
Look I am just saying Fallon will be mad at you
he shrugged, “not more so then when I read her diary.”
that’s just cause your a dick head, I don't understand why you don't ask her out, I mean like damn your dreams are getting bad...
“shut up!” he hissed, he had now reached where he needed to be and climbed up the side and picked the window lock, how did you think he go into Fallon's house? Then he took a seat on the bed and waited.
I think you need to back out now Nathan..because he is coming
“no.” Nathan said, and at that moment Logan opened the door, Fallon's brother.
“what do you want?” He growled at Nathan
“your problem with me”
“your not a bad influence to Fallon”
“HAHAHA!” Nathan laughed, “ME!? Bro believe it or not Fallon was like that before I came around.”
“you just shouldn't be around her!” Logan yelled.
“why because I make her feel normal!?” Nathan yelled back.
Nathan your going into bad waters leave.
“what are you talking about!?” Logan hissed
“Fallon and I are the same dickhead!” Nathan clenched his fist trying not to punch the boy.
“right!” Logan snorted
“its true! No I don't see ghost BUT I have a fucking voice in my head NAMED EMILY!” Nathan shouted, telling Logan, Logan looked shocked and Nathan kept going, “SO I wanted you to know Fallon keeps me sane! And normal! You may HATE having me around, but I am staying forever! GET USE TO IT!”
Then the door opened, and there stood Fallon, “Nathan?”
Nathan turned and jumped back out the window, Nathan its ok....don't be sad.
“Emily I am pissed off Sad and just every emotion but the happy ones!”
Nathan was at home, no one talked not even Emily, then Fallon barreled through the door, “Logan told me..”  
“so what?” Nathan hissed and glared at the girl
“I TOLD you I wasn't going to stop hanging out with you!” Fallon shouted
“I know that!” Nathan stood up and pinned the girl to the wall, “But you don't GET IT! You think you saying that would make this ok?? Fallon he is the brother who ALLWODED your parents to give you up! And you tell me not to WORRY!? Damnit Fallon that’s NOT how this works!”
Fallon looked at the boy and placed her hands gently on his chest, “Nathan...I know how you feel but you need to understand I am not leaving you”
“but he'll take you” Nathan said under his breath
Fallon frowned, “Nathan, you need to think for a minute. If I was going to let him take me it would have happened but its not we're fine its fine”
Nathan just turned away, “whatever.”
god you two need to just make out have sex and get together.
Nathan growled at Emily because she wasn't helping, he felt a hand grab his he turned and looked at Fallon she smiled, “I promise...” Nathan sighed and nodded, “fine...but the minute I feel like you diaspear I am killing him”
“And I will let you”
yeah..idk...cx
I am going to go try and draw Emily now XD

Nathan is mine
Fallon is :icontotaldramacamrie:
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:icontotaldramacamrie:
TotalDramaCamrie Feb 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My. Feels. Are. Going. Insane.
c:
I'm going to go cry and scream about how perfect they are now~ :heart:

shipitshipitshipitshipitshipitshipitshipit so harddd
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:iconcatreya:
Catreya Feb 16, 2014  Professional Writer
Interesting start! :) I've fixed up your opening para:

From:

"this is a terrible Idea Nathan.
“Look Emily I appreciate it but I don't care. I need to know why he HATES Me.” Nathan said wishing he could glare at the voice
well maybe if you took out the dye and the piercings and cut your hair...
“Yeah and Maybe you could stop being a voice in my head.” Nathan said walking towards his destination.
Well you were the creepy loner who had no friends, I decided to do it.
Nathan rolled his eyes, Emily always seemed to know everything before he did she was like his six sense and sometimes it was nice and other times he wished he had a bat. "

to:

This is a terrible idea, Nathan.
“Look Emily, I appreciate it, but I don't care. I need to know why he HATES me,” Nathan said, wishing he could glare at the voice.
Well maybe if you took out the dye and the piercings and cut your hair...
“Yeah and maybe you could stop being a voice in my head,” Nathan said walking towards his destination.
Well, you were the creepy loner who had no friends, I decided to do it.
Nathan rolled his eyes. Emily always seemed to know everything before he did, she was like his sixth sense. Sometimes it was nice and other times he wished he had a bat. 

Alright delivery - I'd work on describing your surroundings more, and on putting capitals in the correct places, as well as full stops and commas. If you put 'he said' after a comment, it should be finished with a comma, as the 'he said' is a part of the same sentence. Full stops are used in speech when the following sentence is, in fact, its own sentence. (e.g., "Go away!" Jerry turned his head to stare at her.)

Potential, yes!

If you'd like some more input and feedback on your writing, check out www.inksty.com/ :)
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:icondoughutdemi:
okie pokie Thanks alot :) 
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